buddhist camp

I broke ground, when I was on buddhist camp last summer. There was this woman, that I didn't like. I could feel myself contracting, when I saw her and I could hear my judgments about her and I knew I was making it up to justify my dislike. But I let myself carry on during most of that week, and I even felt her need for my approval. And the more I felt that, the more I kept her out of my circle of love.

Like with a mangy dog. Oh, don't be so miserable. If you are needy and miserable, I'll feel like kicking you.

And I saw what I was doing the whole time and thought, why is it so difficult for me to love her?
Love in the respect of just seeing her without my filter of stories about her. Just letting her in.
I could feel my face contract when she came in to the meditation-yurd (we meditated in this beautiful dome-shaped tent, a yurd), the way she stepped on people and threw her blanket around and was just blind to everyone else but herself, and she is supposed to be a yoga-teacher! Went my story-line.

Then on the last evening we had a cabaret, where anyone could perform. I read a couple of poems ...
And so did she. And her poem was very touching. I was moved, and suddenly my shield fell. I opened up to her, and realized who she was. Just like me, Irene. She is me.

I could have just let it be at that point. But I gave her a hug afterwards and thanked her for the poem. I made myself cross that barrier, where I broke the shell of my storyline and let the real person into my embrace.


I would have liked to say that we became friends after that, but reality was I left the next day, and maybe I would still have had a hard time letting her in to my heart. But that is beside the point. The point is, that we are willing for a moment to try. To acknowledge the fact that we are here for such a short time...

Or as I read once in a little buddhist book of quotes: Life is so hard, be kind!

What am I doing for others? Well, I can at least try to be kind. Try to be open. Try to share ...
And we don't have to perform it, or be perfect, but just do the best we can ... and that is already a lot :-)