Just passing through

Just got back from teaching yoga in Odense.
At least, I think I teach yoga.
I must admit I am not so sure any more what this is about.
Or, rather, I feel more at home and rooted in what I teach today than ever before, but much less certain.
I know, that what I practice, when I'm at home, does not look anything like it did 10 years ago.
I sit...and stay with my precious breath, this magical force of life, that I do not understand, but that I find so comforting to just follow, to just listen to, to just feel.
I believe that we do change over time, but it is not my experience that the change is linear. It is more circular, cyclical. Recurring spasms, contractions and then openings, letting goes. The thing that has changed is my drama around these changes. I have lost interest, more or less, in the drama of this occurrence called me, this utterly baffling cellular process called me. And at the same time I have become much more curious, less invested, more joyous. Less locked in positions, more not so sure about anything. And that is a good thing.

Before getting back from Odense, I just got back from magical Northern Norway, Lofoten, a small group of islands, where my husband works these coming four months. I visited him. The visiting is so interesting. The being a guest and especially a guest of someone I think I know so well. I found it such a relief to just be there. take care of stuff, but not get invested in results, goals, manipulations. very ready to just accept his way of doing things. His house. Me, the guest. I guess had I stayed longer, I would have started my usual antics. But now, just peace and love. An open heart.
If it is so simple, then why is it so hard at home?
Because I ask of my life that it fullfills goals, that I set up in my mind, because I start taking things, life, people, for granted. Because I have a hard time letting things be. Life be.
I could, and I shall, try being more of a guest in my life. Just passing through. In awe and wonder at this life. The why, the how escapes me, but the whole thing is to not forget to be in awe and wonder.

Einstein takes the blame for many quotes, this is one of them: "Either you can live Life as if nothing is a Miracle, or you can live Life as if everything is a Miracle." Uh, what to choose?

And then there is this wonderful little story: An american jew visits a famous rabbi in Russia. He arrives at the destination for his pilgrimmage and finds the rabbi in a humble setting, nothing but a simple desk and chair in his room. The american say: "But, rabbi, where are all your belongings?" "Where are yours?" asks the rabbi. "Mine? But I am just passing through." "So am I," says the rabbi. "So am I."
Oh, to live my life like that. Just passing through and really relishing the journey. Grateful for this precious moment. suddenly it will be over. It already is ...